In 2026, emotional safety is the romantic fantasy

In 2026, emotional safety is the fantasy.

Everywhere you look at the moment you see disharmony, people struggling to survive alongside obscene wealth, cheers for a winning hand rather than compromise, the victory of might over right, disagreement turning into violence against the other. It doesn’t seem to be making us happier or more secure.

So, what would?

I reckon a little bit of empathy, looking at the situation from the point of view of someone who doesn’t look like or sound like you, holding fire on that abusive post for a minute or two, listening to an alternative point of view, taking a walk in a forest, or as we say in Australia, the bush, or losing yourself in a book.

Which brings me to what I write and why.

I’m not going to start the year by yucking on anyone’s yum, so I’ll say right up front that romantic fiction is as diverse as we are diverse, from sweet to sexy to dark and erotic and everything in between, set in places and times and with characters as wide as your imagination.

I’ll also be upfront about my fantasy world—I write cisgender characters in heterosexual relationships. Readers often want to know this in advance. Cisgender is a comparatively recent term, abbreviated to cis, it refers to people who identify with the sex they were assigned at birth. Heterosexual or straight refers to sexuality. Cishet is a newish term for me, and refers to people who are both cis and straight, so it works to describe my romantic main characters.

Next, I write what used to be called beta males.

Not to be confused with Gen Beta who apparently started being born in 2025!

Often described as easy-going, patient, caring, and sensitive, not the loudest in the room or the first to take control, but more likely to be kind, thoughtful, and supportive, beta males have traditionally been less popular in romances, dismissed before people even read the book as “less traditionally masculine, and having lower social standing”. Wow! That’s a big load to carry.

Language has always evolved to meet the moment, and in the world of social media this seems to happen even faster. You’ve just mastered a term or a concept and the world wide web has moved on—in the last few years new terms Golden Retriever boyfriends (GRB) and cinnamon roll heroes have entered the lexicon. In the time it’s taken me to write this, there are probably newer terms.

When an author offers you their book, they’re asking for your precious time. You pick your favourite fantasy, you get to choose your book “boyfriend”. Just like in real life. And that’s the point. What’s happening in real life influences what we read and, as authors, the characters we create.

In September 2025, Sera Bozza wrote a long, interesting article in bodyandsoul.com.au entitled Golden retriever boyfriends: green flag or walking doormat? He isn’t a fluke, he’s a response.

Here’s a snapshot of her thoughts: remember she’s talking “real” boyfriends.

It used to be about the bad boy: the mystery-filled whiplash you convinced yourself was passion. Now, we want the safe, secure opposite. Enter the Golden Retriever Boyfriend (GRB)… sweet, supportive, and emotionally available. He sits, stays, and texts back. But he didn’t just show up–we built him.

After a decade of marinating in ghosting, Hansel-and-Gretel-ing, and whatever the hell else we’ve normalised, the GRB is the soft antidote. He listens, validates, and doesn’t treat your needs like a threat.

According to Tinder’s latest data, nearly half of singles in 2025 say they’re looking for one. The other half? Not so sure. Because while the GRB can be comforting, he can also make people squirm. And how you respond to him says just as much about you as it does about him.

Why he makes sense (and why it’s getting complicated).

The Golden Retriever Boyfriend didn’t come out of nowhere. He’s a reaction to a dating culture that’s made people chronically anxious, emotionally burnt out, and wildly cynical.

We spent so long idolising the emotionally unavailable that the anti-player started looking like the dream. So we swung the pendulum hard.

But like any overcorrection, it comes with side effects …

There’s a big difference between someone who’s emotionally safe and someone who’s endlessly agreeable. One meets you with presence and perspective, and the other mirrors your needs and disappears into them.

The secure GRB is grounded. He’s soft, but not submissive and participates in hard conversations instead of smoothing things over to keep the peace. He shows up for you, but also for himself.

… real partnership isn’t about being mirrored, it’s about being met.

We’ve spent so long romanticising the idea of someone “showing up for us” that we’ve stopped asking whether they’re showing up for themselves too. And when they don’t attraction fades.

Relationships require polarity, not performance. You don’t build connection by folding into someone else’s identity. You build it by standing in your own, and choosing each other anyway.

Other commentators talk about cinnamon roll heroes when they are talking “book” boyfriends. The term can be traced to the second half of the 2010s.

Author T K Leigh, who writes cinnamon roll heroes, describes them as:

“an inherently good guy book boyfriend. Someone who will go the extra mile for his partner, who lacks toxic masculinity. It doesn’t mean he’s a pushover. Anything but, actually. It means he will do whatever it takes to protect his better half …”

I’ve always had a problem saying someone will do “whatever it takes”. I agree with her other statements, but “whatever it takes” opens up scary landscapes that I don’t want in my romance.

Becky, writing in 2023, at bookcase and coffee.com comes closer to my goal.

“This is going to be the ultimate good guy. The sweet guy who goes the extra mile. He is going to be his partner’s biggest cheerleader. A caregiver who is invested not just in the relationship but in the well-being of their partner.This does not mean he will be a push over. Instead, he is likely to stand his ground especially if it is what he deems best for his beloved …”

There is a balance that is needed when writing a Cinnamon Roll. His actions and words much match his integrity and who he is as a person.”

Choosing to read about characters who value and respect the partners they lust over is an affirmation of what we seek as humans. The highs and lows of first love are intoxicating, but if you’re looking for a happy ever after, then emotional safety isn’t a nice-to-have, it’s a must have.

So, I write male characters who are confident of their own strengths, but equally see the female characters in their lives as equal partners, having their own strengths and deserving of respect. Passion is a given.

If you want to check out some of my book boyfriends you’ll find them at: website FaceBook Instagram

Upcoming: Australian Romance Readers Association’s (ARRA’s) annual author signing for 2026.

As regular readers will know by now, I’ll be attending the next Romantic Rendezvous event in Sydney and as a special New Year treat for my readers I have a ticket to give away!

The Australian Romance Reader Association’s #ARR2026 will be in Brisbane, Sydney, Melbourne and Perth next March, and you could win a ticket to the afternoon signing (to the city of your choice).

ARRA has been hosting multi-author, multi-city signings for over six years and they are the friendliest romance book signings in Australia, offering the opportunity to meet your favourite authors in an intimate setting. In 2026 the special guests will be Sarina Bowen and Cathryn Hein, and there are up to 30 local romance authors attending in each city. You can find full details of the authors signing here: https://australianromancereaders.com.au/events/arr2026/

To enter the draw, just fill in this form <https://forms.gle/v6dUPwHBkhfUiDLQ7>. Be sure to let them know which city you would like to go to, and let them know that I sent you. (This is important, you **must** mention my name to be included in the draw.)

Then, while you’re waiting to see if you’ve won, why not join the official Facebook group to find out more about these events and keep up to date with all announcements: https://www.facebook.com/groups/arr2026attendees

Winners will be drawn on 31 January and will be notified via email. Prizes must be claimed within two weeks, or they will be redrawn. Each prize is one ticket to an afternoon signing event; no travel expenses are included.

Find me on

• Instagram https://www.instagram.com/romanceauthorjen/
• Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/jenniferrainesauthor
• Goodreads—https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/22577889.Jennifer_Raines
•  Bookbub – https://www.bookbub.com/authors/jennifer-raines

• Diana Kathryn Penn’s Indie Reads Aloud podcast has recordings of me reading the opening 20 mins of my books:
  • Betrayal—Choosing Family Book 3 (episode 212)
  • Quinn, by design—Choosing Family Book 2 (episode 208)
  • Masquerade—Choosing Family Book 1 (episode 188)
  • Lela’s Choice (episode 143)
  • Planting Hope (episode 101)
  • The Anderson Sisters (episode 54 Taylor’s Law and 80 Grace Under Fire) http://www.dkpwriter.com/indie-reads-aloud-podcast.html

You can also contact me directly via the contact page on my website if you have any other questions.